In 1974, Harry Chapin released a song titled “Cats in the Cradle”. While it never topped the charts, it is wildly popular and has been used in many films, tv shows, and more. You may have even heard it. The chorus is iconic:
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when
We’ll get together then, son, you know we’ll have a good time then”
There’s a reason the song and chorus are so iconic and have come to represent the relationship between so many fathers and sons: we fathers frequently spend so much time worrying about providing for our family and spending our time earning money that we forget that our time is equally important.
Our sons watch our behavior and learn from it. For many of us, they learn that prioritizing financial gain, work, and other endeavors over family is how fathers behave. They grow up just like us as a result.
It’s important to recognize that the balance between trying to better the financial position of your family and spending time with your family is difficult to maintain. I watched your Poppi do it as I grew up. I know he struggled as he traveled for work, buying me countless souvenirs from the cities he visited while he was away. I know he was always working to make life better for the family, but I can’t say whether or not he had the balance exactly right. I can only try to balance things better and offer more of my time to you.
I’m not happy with how much time I have for you. It hurts to say “no” when you ask me to play swords because I just barely got home from work and it’s already time for you to go to bed. I’m constantly working on shuffling things around to find even a few minutes anywhere I can. I want to do more – and I will. I have to – I don’t see it as a choice.
Remember that you will become a role model someday. Someone will grow up to be just like you. Be the person you want them to be.
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